Ash Wednesday, March 5, 2005
Ash Wednesday, March 5, 2005
Today’s Readings, from the USCCB:
Reading 1
Joel 2:12-18
Even now, says the LORD, return
to me with your whole heart, with fasting, and weeping, and mourning; Rend your
hearts, not your garments, and return to the LORD, your God. For gracious and
merciful is he, slow to anger, rich in kindness, and relenting in punishment.
Perhaps he will again relent and leave behind him a blessing, Offerings and
libations for the LORD, your God.
Blow the trumpet in Zion!
proclaim a fast, call an assembly; Gather the people, notify the congregation;
Assemble the elders, gather the children and the infants at the breast; Let the
bridegroom quit his room and the bride her chamber.
Between the porch and the altar
let the priests, the ministers of the LORD, weep, And say, "Spare, O LORD,
your people, and make not your heritage a reproach, with the nations ruling
over them! Why should they say among the peoples, 'Where is their God?'"
Then the LORD was stirred to
concern for his land and took pity on his people.
Responsorial Psalm
Psalm 51:3-4, 5-6ab, 12-13, 14
and 17
R. Be merciful, O Lord, for we
have sinned.
Have mercy on me, O God, in your
goodness; in the greatness of your compassion wipe out my offense. Thoroughly
wash me from my guilt and of my sin cleanse me.
R. Be merciful, O Lord, for we
have sinned.
For I acknowledge my offense, and
my sin is before me always: "Against you only have I sinned, and done what
is evil in your sight."
R. Be merciful, O Lord, for we
have sinned.
A clean heart create for me, O
God, and a steadfast spirit renew within me. Cast me not out from your
presence, and your Holy Spirit take not from me.
R. Be merciful, O Lord, for we
have sinned.
Give me back the joy of your
salvation, and a willing spirit sustain in me. O Lord, open my lips, and my
mouth shall proclaim your praise.
R. Be merciful, O Lord, for we
have sinned.
Reading 2
2 Corinthians 5:20 – 6:2
Brothers and sisters: We are
ambassadors for Christ, as if God were appealing through us. We implore you on
behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who
did not know sin, so that we might become the righteousness of God in him.
Working together, then, we appeal
to you not to receive the grace of God in vain. For he says:
In an acceptable time I heard
you, and on the day of salvation I helped you.
Behold, now is a very acceptable
time; behold, now is the day of salvation.
Verse Before the Gospel
Psalm 95:8
If today you hear his voice, harden
not your hearts.
Gospel
Matthew 6:1-6, 16-18
Jesus said to his disciples:
"Take care not to perform
righteous deeds in order that people may see them; otherwise, you will have no
recompense from your heavenly Father. When you give alms, do not blow a trumpet
before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets to win
the praise of others. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But
when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right is doing, so
that your almsgiving may be secret. And your Father who sees in secret will
repay you.”
"When you pray, do not be
like the hypocrites, who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on street
corners so that others may see them. Amen, I say to you, they have received
their reward. But when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and
pray to your Father in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay
you.”
"When you fast, do not look
gloomy like the hypocrites. They neglect their appearance, so that they may
appear to others to be fasting. Amen, I say to you, they have received their
reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you may
not appear to be fasting, except to your Father who is hidden. And your Father
who sees what is hidden will repay you."
The Weight of Repentance
"Even now, says the Lord,
return to me with your whole heart, with fasting, and weeping, and mourning;
Rend your hearts, not your garments, and return to the Lord, your God."
– Joel 2:12-13
The ashes are cold against my skin.
A smudge of dust in the shape of a cross, pressed onto my forehead by the
priest’s thumb.
"Repent, and follow the
Gospel."
I nod. I step away. But inside,
something catches in my chest. A heaviness. Not just from the words but from
the truth of them.
Repent.
It’s not a gentle suggestion. It’s
a command. A plea. A turning point. And yet, here I am, unsure if I even know
how.
Because if I’m being honest, I
don’t always know what to do with that word. Repent. It implies regret, a
desire to change, a shift in direction. But I’ve been walking this path for a
long time – the path of doubt, of wondering if I’ve been forgotten, of carrying
wounds that never quite heal. How do I suddenly turn around? How do I move
toward something I’m not sure I deserve?
Rend your hearts, not your
garments.
That line from Joel sinks deep.
Because if I wanted to, I could go through the motions. I could fast today,
skip the meat, avoid the indulgences. I could give something up for Lent, make
a sacrifice, show God I’m making an effort. But that’s just a torn garment – an
external display. What God wants is my heart, cracked open. Messy. Honest. And
that’s harder to give.
Because my heart still holds the
weight of prayers that felt like they went unanswered. Prayers said at my
mother’s bedside, knowing the cancer had already won. Prayers whispered in
hospital hallways when my father’s heart stopped for the last time. Prayers for
my son, begging for something – anything – to lift him up when the world seemed
to push him down.
I want to believe that God heard
me. That He wasn’t silent, wasn’t looking away. But if I’m baring my heart
today, I have to admit that sometimes it feels like He did.
And yet…
"Be merciful, O Lord, for
we have sinned." – Psalm 51
The words come back to me from
today’s reading. They aren’t polished. They aren’t tidy. They’re a plea. A
confession.
And I realize – maybe that’s all I
have to bring today. Not certainty. Not perfect faith. Just this: a sinner,
standing in need of mercy, asking to begin again.
Because that’s what Ash Wednesday
is, isn’t it? A beginning. A reckoning with who we are and who we could be. A
moment to stop, to acknowledge what’s been buried under time, under
disappointment, under all the ways we’ve fallen short.
"We implore you on behalf
of Christ, be reconciled to God." – 2 Corinthians 5:20
Reconciled.
That word stays with me. It doesn’t
mean I have to have it all figured out today. It doesn’t mean I suddenly feel
holy or whole. It just means I’m taking a step.
The ashes on my forehead will fade
by tonight. They’ll be washed away in the sink, disappearing as if they were
never there. But the weight of them? The meaning behind them? That, I want to
keep.
Because repent and follow the
Gospel isn’t just something to hear. It’s something to do.
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