Thursday of the Fourth Week of Lent, April 3, 2025

Today’s Readings, from the USCCB:

Reading 1

Exodus 32:7-14

The LORD said to Moses, "Go down at once to your people whom you brought out of the land of Egypt, for they have become depraved. They have soon turned aside from the way I pointed out to them, making for themselves a molten calf and worshiping it, sacrificing to it and crying out, 'This is your God, O Israel, who brought you out of the land of Egypt!'" The LORD said to Moses, "I see how stiff-necked this people is. Let me alone, then, that my wrath may blaze up against them to consume them. Then I will make of you a great nation."

But Moses implored the LORD, his God, saying, "Why, O LORD, should your wrath blaze up against your own people, whom you brought out of the land of Egypt with such great power and with so strong a hand? Why should the Egyptians say, 'With evil intent he brought them out, that he might kill them in the mountains and exterminate them from the face of the earth'? Let your blazing wrath die down; relent in punishing your people. Remember your servants Abraham, Isaac and Israel, and how you swore to them by your own self, saying, 'I will make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky; and all this land that I promised, I will give your descendants as their perpetual heritage.'" So the LORD relented in the punishment he had threatened to inflict on his people.

Responsorial Psalm

Psalm 106:19-20, 21-22, 23

R. Remember us, O Lord, as you favor your people.

Our fathers made a calf in Horeb and adored a molten image; They exchanged their glory for the image of a grass-eating bullock.

R. Remember us, O Lord, as you favor your people.

They forgot the God who had saved them, who had done great deeds in Egypt, Wondrous deeds in the land of Ham, terrible things at the Red Sea.

R. Remember us, O Lord, as you favor your people.

Then he spoke of exterminating them, but Moses, his chosen one, Withstood him in the breach to turn back his destructive wrath.

R. Remember us, O Lord, as you favor your people.

Verse Before the Gospel

John 3:16

God so loved the world that he gave his only-begotten Son, so that everyone who believes in him might have eternal life.

Gospel

John 5:31-47

Jesus said to the Jews: "If I testify on my own behalf, my testimony is not true. But there is another who testifies on my behalf, and I know that the testimony he gives on my behalf is true. You sent emissaries to John, and he testified to the truth. I do not accept human testimony, but I say this so that you may be saved. He was a burning and shining lamp, and for a while you were content to rejoice in his light. But I have testimony greater than John's. The works that the Father gave me to accomplish, these works that I perform testify on my behalf that the Father has sent me. Moreover, the Father who sent me has testified on my behalf. But you have never heard his voice nor seen his form, and you do not have his word remaining in you, because you do not believe in the one whom he has sent. You search the Scriptures, because you think you have eternal life through them; even they testify on my behalf. But you do not want to come to me to have life.

"I do not accept human praise; moreover, I know that you do not have the love of God in you. I came in the name of my Father, but you do not accept me; yet if another comes in his own name, you will accept him. How can you believe, when you accept praise from one another and do not seek the praise that comes from the only God? Do not think that I will accuse you before the Father: the one who will accuse you is Moses, in whom you have placed your hope. For if you had believed Moses, you would have believed me, because he wrote about me. But if you do not believe his writings, how will you believe my words?"

 

When They Made the Calf, I Was One of Them

The molten calf.

The golden lie.

The idol built by tired hands desperate for something to worship – something they could see, touch, control.

And every time I read this story, I want to stand outside of it.

I want to shake my head at those Israelites and say, How could you forget so quickly? How could you betray the God who delivered you?

But if I’m honest – I’ve built my own calves.

They just looked different.

They looked like approval.

Like comfort.

Like control.

Like the addiction to being “needed,” so I never have to sit with how lonely I actually feel.

Like the years I gave up dreams I buried so deep I forgot they were ever mine – and then made an idol out of productivity, performance, and people-pleasing, because it was easier than asking God if He still had something left for me.

And deep down, I know this truth…

I’ve been the one who turned aside from the way He pointed out.

I’ve been stiff-necked.

I’ve ignored His voice because the silence of my own thoughts felt louder – and more punishing.

I’ve convinced myself I’m too far gone, not just because of the things I’ve done, but because of the damage I feel I’ve caused.

The Cross I Carry, the One I Don’t Talk About

There’s a burden I haven’t always known how to write about.

It sits quietly in the background of my life, but it roars in my memory.

I made a mistake once – a human one, but one that had consequences.

What followed wasn’t just judgment…it was interjection. Revenge. Isolation.

People I loved – family, even – decided to amplify the fallout.

And while no one said it outright, I felt it.

The stress. The weight. The sorrow that settled into my father’s chest.

I believe it hastened his passing.

Seventy days after my mother was taken by cancer, he was gone too.

A broken heart.

And part of me still wonders if I helped break it.

That’s the cross I carry. The one I drag with me through prayer, through reflection, through the days I feel unworthy of grace.

And when I read that God was ready to wipe His people out, ready to start over, I think – I get it.

I’ve wanted to start over too.

But Then…Moses Stood in the Breach

That’s the moment that wrecks me.

Moses didn’t walk away.

He didn’t say “They deserve it.”

He didn’t say “Start fresh with me.”

He stood between a broken people and a holy God and said, Remember them anyway.

And God relented.

And I wonder – who stood in the breach for me?

Who looked at the mess I made and said, “He’s still worth it”?

Who prayed for me even when I didn’t deserve it?

Was it my parents in their final moments?

Was it the friends who stuck around when the gossip flew?

Was it my wife, who stayed – even with the weight I placed on her shoulders?

Was it my sons, who still call me Dad even when I feel like I’ve failed them?

Was it Jesus – quietly, eternally – taking the weight I keep picking back up again?

God So Loved the World…But Does He Still Love Me?

It’s hard to believe sometimes.

I hear the Gospel echo "God so loved the world that He gave His only Son…"

But my mind twists it.

God loved the world.

What if I was the exception?

What if I’ve messed it up too many times?

What if my name got erased from the Book of Life when I wasn’t paying attention?

What if I already had my chance…and blew it?

But Jesus says something else today.

He says the Scriptures testify on His behalf.

He says His works are proof.

He says “I do not accept human praise…I know that you do not have the love of God in you.”

And I think – Is that me?

Have I looked for validation everywhere else but Him?

Have I searched the world for a kind of love only Heaven offers?

Remember Us, O Lord

That’s the cry in the Psalm today.

Not “Look at what we’ve done,” but…Remember us anyway.

Remember me.

The black sheep.

The burdened son.

The one who kept showing up even when he felt unwelcome.

The one who still tries to do the right thing, even when it costs him the room.

The one who forgives people who wouldn’t care if he disappeared tomorrow.

Remember me – not because I’m righteous – but because I’m Yours.

The Love I Still Crave

I don’t need applause.

I don’t need a platform.

I don’t even need every prayer to be answered.

But I do need to know that this heart of mine – that has loved, broken, and burned – is still worth something to You, God.

That the prayers I whisper for my sons…the quiet ache I carry for my parents…the loneliness I pretend not to feel…that all of it matters.

That even now – after the idols and the failure and the silence – You still know me by name.

And not just the name the world sees.

The real one. The one You whispered into existence when You decided I should live.

So if You haven’t given up on me yet…

Then maybe I won’t either.

Maybe I’ll put down the idol of self-loathing and pick up the cross I was actually meant to carry – one forged in love, not shame.

Maybe I’ll remember that the people God saves are never the ones who have it all figured out.

They’re the ones who still show up.

Who still whisper, “Remember me.”

Who still dare to believe that grace is greater than guilt.

So today, I let Moses stand in the breach for me.

And I say – Don’t wipe me out, Lord.

Let me start again.

Even now.